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Obelix
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PostSubject: Joke of the day   Thu Sep 15, 2011 3:49 pm

Little girl Crying, "Mummy, quick! Get me a glass of cider!". "Why" asked mum. "I cut my hand on a thorn and want the pain to go!".
Confused the mother poured some cider. She immediately dunked her hand in it.
"Ouch! It still hurts! This cider doesn’t work!"she whined.". "Why did you think that cider would ease ur pain?".
"Well, I heard my big sister say that whenever she gets a big prick in her hand, she can’t wait to get it in cider"....
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Fri Sep 16, 2011 10:04 am

Very good. Did you make it up yourself?


A duck walks in to a pub and asks the barman for a pint.
The barman says would you look at that a talking duck you should be in the circus!
The duck says fuck off I'm a scaffolder

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kneel_before_Zod
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Fri Sep 16, 2011 5:46 pm

A nun gets into a cab and the driver keeps staring at her through the rear view mirror. "You know, Sister," the taxi driver says, "I hope you aren't too offended, but I've always had this fantasy of getting a blowjob from a nun." The nun thinks for a moment and says, "I'm not too offended. I just have two requirements. One, that you be... single, and two, that you are Catholic" "Oh yes Sister, I am single and Catholic," the cab drive replies, so they pull into an alley and the nun proceeds to satisfy the cab driver orally. After they're done, the cab driver begins laughing. "What's so funny?" the nun asks. "Ha ha!" the cab driver announces, "I fooled you sister. The truth is I'm really married and I'm Jewish!" That's okay," the nun replies, "My name is Bob and I'm on my way to a fancy dress party."
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Obelix
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Fri Sep 16, 2011 10:56 pm

HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!

No IMF i didn't come up with that just saw it around and PMSL!

Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party?
Because he heard he could pick up a couple of tight seals...
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Sat Sep 17, 2011 4:02 pm

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband 2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband 3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband 4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband 5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband 6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband 7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband 8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband 9 was a gynaecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband 10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Sat Sep 17, 2011 7:21 pm

Fox, Fozzie Bear has better jokes than that Razz I'd throw a tomato at the screen if I had one
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Sat Sep 17, 2011 7:47 pm

You haven't got a screen, then how can you read what I wrote Shocked



A new study shows that women with big breasts are smarter than women with smaller breasts.

Though to be fair, the guy who conducted the study admits he wasn't really listening.


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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Sat Sep 17, 2011 8:10 pm

I don't need one I'm virtual

How do you titillate an ocelot?

You oscillate its tits a lot.



Intelligent women like that one.

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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Sun Sep 18, 2011 2:16 pm

I was washing the car yesterday when my annoying neighbour says up "You can clean mine next!"

"Ha ha!" I laughed.

Its bad enough I have to fuck his wife for him.
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Sun Sep 18, 2011 4:36 pm

I've completed my repertoire of jokes, all I have left are knock knock jokes and couple of racist ones. Rolling Eyes





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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Sun Sep 18, 2011 4:42 pm

This is the greatest joke of all...






Are you ready...







Gird thy loins...










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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Sun Sep 18, 2011 4:45 pm

Laughing Laughing lol! lol!

Damn straight. I hate that twat

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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Mon Sep 19, 2011 4:20 pm

Not as big a twat as him

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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Mon Sep 19, 2011 4:47 pm

Is anyone as big a twat as him Laughing

I'm still waiting for Ed Miliband to get caught with a rent-boy or three Twisted Evil
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Mon Sep 19, 2011 4:57 pm

Miliband is so dull you'd be lucky to see his penis get caught in his fly. Ah well at least he's an Atheist Laughing but as long as Ed Balls, and the femenazis occupy the shadow cabinet, Labour ain't getting my vote at the next election. Im still giving it to the lib dems just so that we can laugh when Vince Cambpell dies of shock after they win
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Mon Sep 19, 2011 5:12 pm

He might be duller than Iranian porn but something about Miliband screams either Date-rapist, Paedophile, enjoys paying for it or serial killer to me Laughing

Vince Campbell? do you mean Vince Cable?
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Mon Sep 19, 2011 5:22 pm

yeah Cable sorry I always call him Campbell for some reason Laughing

Laughing Serial killer
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Mon Sep 19, 2011 5:46 pm

You know I'm right.

Here he's trying to kill an invisible man:



Here he's picking his next victim:



& here he's happy because he knows he's hidden the body really well:

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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Mon Sep 19, 2011 6:10 pm

What is he killing him by eating him dinkle first? Shocked
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Mon Sep 19, 2011 6:12 pm

He's trying to crush his head.
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Mon Sep 19, 2011 8:16 pm

Hmmm

I pull that face when I've not had my fruit n fibre for a while Neutral
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Mon Sep 19, 2011 9:32 pm

I was gonna find a picture of relief after taking a dump but that google images search just slows the fuck out of my browser AHHHHHH *punches desk*
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Tue Sep 20, 2011 9:49 am

I wouldn't bother most of it is namby pamby, hoity toity, hippy crap pictures of people holding their stomachs. Constipated

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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day   Tue Sep 20, 2011 4:16 pm

Constipated Explosive diarrhea I should have just posted the fucking smileys
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